Thou Shalt Not...
Date: Friday 29th October 2010
Not all of these things have been carried over into the Christian 'Sunday' but there are many things you may NOT do on the Jewish Sabbath (if you happen to be Jewish and also interested in that sort of thing, that is!)...
1. Making a fire or causing anything to burn.
So, fortunately, Hicks and Gillett have gone and effigies of John W Henry have not been seen just yet. Woy Hodgson might be relieved though, as his effigies are being crayonned as we speak, and a Bolton win on Sunday will surely flush them out.
2. Spinning (This includes all types of thread and rope making, as well as making felt.)
I suspect several journalists will risk breaking this one - spinning Liverpool's ugly relegation-scrap hoof-ball as "gloriously incisive football".
3. Marking (This includes marking or scoring lines on any surface in preparation for cutting or writing.)
Fortunately neither defence seems to be in any danger at all of going astray here. Bolton fans are hoping, however, that the Moo will risk divine wrath by marking Stevie Me entirely out of Liverpool's sorry game. Truth is, he will, but then be sent off for his sins with 20mins to go.
4. Selecting (This includes separating unwanted portions of food by hand. The spirit of this category also forbids all sorts of sorting and filing activities.)
Coyle has at least two selecting headaches over Steinsson/Ricketts and Petrov/Taylor, but experience suggests he will avoid this sin by picking the same team he always does and claiming that no sabbath-selecting took place on the sabbath on his part - the team is as it is, unchanged - it picked itself, honest guv.
5. Skinning (This includes skinning any animal for its hide.)
Let us pray that Petrov and Lee are serial offenders here, with a ponderous Liverpool defence just waiting to be skinned alive.
6. Grinding (This includes all grinding and milling operations. The prime example is milling grain.)
Not one to give away too much emotion in his match-face, let us pray that Woy fails this one big time and has ground his teeth to little sore stumps by the time Elmander collects the match ball for his hat-trick.
7. Unraveling (This includes undoing knitted or woven material.)
Liverpool inagine that their unravelling has ended and that times are a-changing. What a perfect time to risk this sin and tweak the woollen ends of that fraying big-club pullover one last time.
8. Finishing (This includes completing any useful article, even where no other category of work is involved. Putting the finishing touch on any article is also in this category.)
Torres has been practicing abstinence in this regard this season, though last week he slipped off the wagon. Elmander, by contrast, has been a very naughty boy, but never on his own doorstep.
9. Warping (This includes setting up the warp on a loom, even when no weaving is being done.)
OK - so I warped a set of ancient religious rules and crowbarred them into what might pass as a Liverpool preview in a lame attempt to reap (that's also forbidden) or harvest (that too) some humour from will obviously otherwise be an occasion of doom and disaster for Wanderers fans.
Prediction (though no gambling allowed) - Nine-One to Liverpool.
