TWspy trawls the forums so you don't have to...

having said that, and bearing in mind that Fratton Park is as dismal a piss-pot of a ground you could ever hope to watch football - their Pompey Online Message Board is as genteel, civil and rational place as you could ever hope to spend an idle moment. There is no billy-big-bollox posturing here - no "we should murder teams like Bolton" - no hand-wringing excuses... no apparent hatred, no warring schisms, just an overall (slightly depressing) air of having long-since given up - as if they are simply counting off the days until they are back in the Championship - a sinking sense of fatalist resignation. TWspy emerges with a sadness in his heart and a hollow echoing sound in his soul, a mournful pompey-chiming if you like - which sounds more like a death knell, like the bells that deep-sea divers hear from the decks of long-sunken wrecks...

....send not to know for whom the bell tolls, young Pompey fans, it tolls for thee.

anyway - TWSpy checking in!

First thing to say - POMB - your board is backwards! Topics don't read from page one downwards, but from page 18 upwards - which is bonkers! - get it sorted!

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Play Up Pompey!!!...Pompey Play Up!!!

nice start, though the Play Up Pompey chant has always struck me as iredeemably quaint! It's the kind of thing you might expect to hear from a moustachioed, tweed-bedecked toff with a pipe in his mouth - echoed by his be-bonneted lady wife clutching a lace hanky to her brow...

Play up men - yes - that's the spirit - play up, bravo - that's the ticket - spiffing pass eh Mildred?

anyway - it renders the code "PUP" which it took TWSpy a few pages to decode - it's much like our COYW - and the Spams - COYI - it's an education this job!

(reflect on the fact that TWSpy is waffling a lot more than usual - that's because the Forum is so dashingly unprovocative, passionless and inoffensive that it is quite hard to take the piss!)

but let's have a go...

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predictions lads? 2-1 to us... Pigeon winner well I can dream...

Pigeon = Piquionne (see how quickly TWSpy picks up this foreign lingo?) but note the lack of confidence here - and the absence of arrogance

other boards TWSpy could mention would write "2-1 to us - if we don't beat a team like Bolton then we might as well chop our dicks off and feed our knackers to the geese." (or summat like that...

not so here! It's a whimsical hope-against-hope dream that they might squeak a 1-goal win at home against a side that has lost three out of three league games.

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....................Jamo VB........Kaboul........TBH........Belhadj ....................Mokoena ...........Brown..............O'Hara ......................KPG .........Smith.................Piquionne Did somebody say diamond 4-4-2...

Jamo is James - VB is Vanden Borre - no idea who TBH is To Be Honest... KPG is a south coast nut-manufacturer.... Kaboul is the capital of Afhganistan

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Best of luck Pompey. Hope the new boys perform. Too scared to even listen to this one myself for fear of cursing it. Play up Pompey!

you see - there's our moustachioed hero with his be-bonneted wife, it's football support communicated entirely through the medium of greetings card sentiments... "Best of luck" .. "Get Well Soon" ... "Sorry for your Loss"

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Matt Taylor come back home.

I suppose he is... let's hope he doesn't bite the hand that once fed him, eh?

anyway - the game has started...

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was that Prince who just mullered Knight?

Prince? let's hope for your sake it's more "Let's Go Crazy" than "When Doves Cry" though I'd avoid the "Morning Papers" if I were you unless you want to read the "Sign o' the Times"... (see what TWSpy did there?)

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is it me or does that stream have some very annoying fuzzy noise?

I think it's you mate - turn your ipod off...

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smith has a chance, tries overhead and skies it..... ohara looks good

oh how we never learn - we just cannot stifle that odd feeling of hope can we???

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Good to see we have someone that can take a corner

cut it out now - you know this wild-eyed optimism will only lead to a bigger fall!

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The annoying noise has gone, but then so has the picture. It just come back as they scored. Ball bags.

ahh what cruel timing! But really - the annoying noise has only just returned from his holidays - we call him Bruno!

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Cohen gives Bolton the lead .. 1-0

he's our joint top scorer - Tamir (not Leonard)

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here we go

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Unmarked

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situation normal then, pompey are crap in defence as usual.....

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Can't blame that one on bad luck.

maybe not - but it was a cracking strike! we don't score many like that!

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playing head tennis outside their box....great. then they counter, we can't retain the ball.

(jerks awake with shock) - did you just talk about Bolton and use the word "counter"?????

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i might just give up on pompey this year, and come back next season when we're at a more appropriate level for chairman, manager and squad. watching us at the minute's like watching someone beat up a dog.

interestingly enough from a bloke with the screen-name - "John - Defender of the Faith" - if John's going AWOL - what hope for the rest!!

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Taylor nearly scores after we can't stop the ball being delivered, and can't mark up. Very Adams-esque, we had a chance a minute earlier Smudger delivering a good cross that Pigeon headed wide

if that's what I think it was - Taylor made a DREADFUL hash of it! (no idea who "smudger" is - note-to-self - just smile and nod sagely)

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I've sort of resigned myself to relegation unless something radical happens. We all want to be more positive, but when we do set up with more attacking intent we invariably concede goals like we have today. Right now I'm wondering if we'll actually win a game this season... Come on Pompey FFS.

see where it's leading - John - Defender of the Faith" - they're all following you over the cliff!

(and - shouldn't that be Play Up Pompey? - you've sneaked a CoP in there just to throw TWSpy off the scent!)

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KABOUL!!!!!!!!!!

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GOAOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL

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yeeeeess

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Younes our GOAL MACHINE.

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Get in Kaboul! God like header!

God like??? is he renowned for that?? And behold God created the sun and the moon and the stars - dollied them up on his left foot and nodded them into the firmament??

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thought you were giving up John

he was only joking!! he's DEFENDER OF THE FAITH - if he gives up all really is lost!!

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nearly a good counter there, smudger's running his legs off

that can't be good!

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Oh my Kaboul, could/should have been two!!

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nearlykaboul again

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Oh my beautiful run by Piquionne..... great play.

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that was GORGEOUS, shame it didn't come off.

it will if you pump it any harder!!

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Great goal by Kaboul now we've got our tails up if we keep this up it could end up 3-1. COME ON!!!!!!!!!

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O'Hara can take corners! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Suddenly have hope - O'Hara + Kaboul = headed goals from corners this season! Absolutely peeing on Niko's corner deliveries 99% of the time so far!!! We look dangerous from corners for the first time in I don't know how many years.

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Kaboul's a beast. Such an important player to our team (at both ends!).

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hate to say it, but we're now CONTROLLING THE GAME

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What's the odds on Kaboul getting MOM? AT LAST WE'VE GOT PLAYERS WHO CAN PUT IN A DECENT CROSS.

it really doesn't take much does it?? and the demon hope is right through the door and pulling your pants down.....

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Credit where credit's due you know - Paul Hart has got a side built on a shoe string that have never played together before playing bloody well here.

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O'Hara has offered more from his set pieces in the first half than Niko did for all of last season, as O'Hara's delivery into the box is superb.

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I think Fred and Smudge are going to work well.

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Kaboul is epic! Gotta be Mullins with the winner surely.

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O'Hara really sounds class and I know it's only half a game but if he carries on like this he could well be the difference of us staying up.

don't say I didn't warn you boys........

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PENALTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

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1:2 I give up!

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Belhadj continues to prove a defensive liability

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never ever a pen and taylor looked like he enjoyed that a little too much

surely not!! It’s not as if he sprinted 60 yards and slid on his knees to the Pompey fans....
anyway – it must be straw-clutching time....

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Kamara on sky said is was not a penalty he got ball first

Ahhh – if Kamara said it on Sky – then it must be true...

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Was it a penalty? Taylor celebrating PUP!

This is why TWSpy gives you the code – otherwise you might have thought he was inexplicably referring to Taylor as a small – recently born – dog – and then you might have been mighty puzzled for a while...

Here boy! Sit! Awwww... have a bone... etc...

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It was a close call (for the pen) and it appeared Ben-Haim got a touch on the ball. That said, going in on a challenge at that angle in the penalty area will more often than not result in a penalty, unfortunately.

There’s always a voice of reason to spoil it all isn’t there! Don’t you understand?? The injustice of it all makes it slightly more palatable....

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no whinging about the decision, if we were anywhere near competent at defending it wouldn't have happened.

Doh! There you go again!

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Boltons first penalty in 18 months ! Well when your lucks out its out.

It is a pisser isn’t it – we couldn’t quite believe it either – nor that we actually scored it! Pinch me!

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All I'm saying is what Kammy said. Not being at the game, I can't comment.

Well shut the f8ck up then!!

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I don't see luck having much to do with the last defender trying to dribble the ball out and giving it away. That's schoolboy stuff.

And as the inflatable headmaster of the inflatable school said to the inflatable pupil with a pin.... you’ve let me down, you’ve let the school down – bit most of all – you’ve let yourself down... (sorry)

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Kammy says it wern't... Andy Awford on the radio says it were.

Ooh!! Fight???

Never mind – all is not lost.....

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Yessssssss! 2-2

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get in c'monnnnnnnnnnnnnn

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Lets hold on this time

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Woohooo Princey boy

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woohoo,,who?

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KPB!!!

Ahhhh! KPB!

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Prince scores (assuming Kammy is right)

Kammy is always right – especially if he says it on Sky!

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Ooooooooh! Come on you blues!!!!!

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Hell of a LTLL style celebration.

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Gotta be 3-2 come on! ATTACK! ATTACK! ATTACK!

Yes... I imagine it might be.....

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Even though we just scored, can I say WE ARE TRULY & I MEAN TRULY AWEFUL. This is a team worse than the Perrin/Zajec combo. But we might just win, but we are down - make no debate about that.

Come on boy – get with the programme – we’re in post-goal everything is rosy euphoria land!

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Hopfully It's a "Sign of the Times"

Oi! Who’s ripping of TWSpy’s Prince jokes???

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Let's Go Crazy

Now they’re all joining in!

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The lads will be going Uptown tonight if we win

OK – enough already!!

Anyway boys – you all seem to be forgetting what I told you about the demon Hope.....

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Surely Hart's not trying to hang on for the draw?

You wish!!

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phewww blimey.

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One hell of a block from Mokoena

Thought KD was in there.....

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Feck!

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bloody defence

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Unbelievable.

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Good grief! Radio says Taylor looked offside.

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Championship?

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FFS. I think that is ridiculous. I think we are Championship bound, as we cannot defend the simple things.

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ffs

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B*llock. How on earth did they win 3 headers in a row in the box?

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Gutting. 5 games gone and already it's looking seriously difficult to stay up.

And there TWSpy backs off respectfully - But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

Many thanks to the lads at Pompey Online – we have no beef with Pompey – good luck for the rest of the season...

Except one more post is worth quoting...

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I've been with Hart till now but what really disappointed me today was the sight of him sitting still in the dugout throughout the last ten minutes whereas Megson was on the touchline motivating and cajoling his players. We need a change and quickly.

Meggo the genius motivator – who’d have thought it??


TWSpy signing off...

PS, only do these when we win, 'kay?

thebish wrote:

TWspy trawls the forums so you don't have to... having said that, and bearing in mind that Fratton Park is as dismal a piss-pot of a ground you could ever hope to watch football {snip, snip, snippety-snip}

Fratton Park is my favourite Premier League away ground.

Has character, unlike so many modern stadia (including our own...).

And is much improved now there's a roof on the away end.

Puskas wrote:

thebish wrote: TWspy trawls the forums so you don't have to... having said that, and bearing in mind that Fratton Park is as dismal a piss-pot of a ground you could ever hope to watch football {snip, snip, snippety-snip} Fratton Park is my favourite Premier League away ground. Has character, unlike so many modern stadia (including our own...). And is much improved now there's a roof on the away end.

ahh - withdrawn then - I haven't been there since the 90s - at which time I would stand by my piss-pot description!

Puskas wrote:

thebish wrote: TWspy trawls the forums so you don't have to... having said that, and bearing in mind that Fratton Park is as dismal a piss-pot of a ground you could ever hope to watch football {snip, snip, snippety-snip} Fratton Park is my favourite Premier League away ground. Has character, unlike so many modern stadia (including our own...). And is much improved now there's a roof on the away end.

Estate agent speak for "is a complete shit hole".

#spy when we're winning, we only spy when we're winning, spy when we're winning, we only spy when we're winning#

I have felt lost since the dissappearance of TWSpy. Cheers excellent as usual.

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The annoying noise has gone, but then so has the picture. It just come back as they scored. Ball bags.

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ahh what cruel timing! But really - the annoying noise has only just returned from his holidays - we call him Bruno!

javascript:emoticon('')

seanworth wrote:

I have felt lost since the dissappearance of TWSpy. Cheers excellent as usual. Quote: Quote: The annoying noise has gone, but then so has the picture. It just come back as they scored. Ball bags. Quote: ahh what cruel timing! But really - the annoying noise has only just returned from his holidays - we call him Bruno! javascript:emoticon('')

Indeed, classic spy humour. It makes wins sweeter knowing we have three points and thebish back. Great stuff.

All Hail thebish King of The Wanderer Spy

Great stuff, thebish, as usual.

Perhaps a moderator or admin with the necessary access rights could ask thebish if he's happy that this thread be made a 'sticky'?

Dujon wrote:

Great stuff, thebish, as usual. Perhaps a moderator or admin with the necessary access rights could ask thebish if he's happy that this thread be made a 'sticky'?

Good call. OK with that Bish?

Zulus Thousand of em wrote:

Dujon wrote: Great stuff, thebish, as usual. Perhaps a moderator or admin with the necessary access rights could ask thebish if he's happy that this thread be made a 'sticky'? Good call. OK with that Bish?

is ok with me - tho it puts the pressure on TWSpy to keep it up....

Awesome as always bish!

Yeah sticky it, just do them when you get chance.

thebish wrote:

Puskas wrote: thebish wrote: TWspy trawls the forums so you don't have to... having said that, and bearing in mind that Fratton Park is as dismal a piss-pot of a ground you could ever hope to watch football {snip, snip, snippety-snip} Fratton Park is my favourite Premier League away ground. Has character, unlike so many modern stadia (including our own...). And is much improved now there's a roof on the away end. ahh - withdrawn then - I haven't been there since the 90s - at which time I would stand by my piss-pot description!

Don't withdraw. I went last year. To be honest, the roof's like a Tiara on a Shire Horse.

Well done on the article by the way. Keep it up!

Well done TWSpy. Thanks for passing it on Bish

TWSpy found himself on KUMB incognito and has come away slightly damp from the foamy-mouthed bile-spitting deluded arrogant arse-wipes that call themselves 'appy 'ammers.....

TWSpy does this as a public service - visiting these places so that you don't have to...

so - after a hosing down with Jeyes Fluid and a warm soothing bath with relaxing whale-music CD, TWSpy signs in

before the game - the 'ammers are acting kind of cockily confident - but with an eye on our recent run of victories over them, some of them are pretending that is doesn't really matter that much...

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I really couldn't give a toss about this game, we can't and won't win the Mickey Mouse cup, we have a squad lacking depth and all we need is more injuries to key players, especially against notlob, not exactly scared of hitting you in the tackle are they.

you know what you're gonna get with Bolton eh? anyway - full marks for creativity - "notlob" eh? - that's a snorter!

Most of them, though, seem to view our recent run of victories over them (did i mention that already?) as some kind of supernatural blip - and that the normal order of things - West Ham slaughtering crap like Bolton - will automatically be restored because it couldn't possibly be (could it?) that we are better than them?

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Tuesday night up where it's grim. Fully expect a defeat - it seems to be standard practice - but I'm mostly predicting the Hammers to win 3-0 with Noble on the scoresheet.

where it's grim??? have you not BEEN to Newham and Upton Park FFS!

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0-0 on 90 mins 0-0 after extra time but we WIN on pens

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I'll be travelling up there via the West Ham coaches, these are the types of games I thrive on going, never been to the reebok so its always nice going to a new stadium, I predict it will be a tight 1-1 draw and we will win 2-1 in extra time

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as always at bolton, the numbers will be swollen by our northern support...last few times ive been to he reebok i have been surrounded by em

Northern Support??? since when?? what kind of demented knob-jockey would live up North and support West Ham??? now I've heard it all!

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I'm going in hope as much as anything (and cos I live within 80miles). This will be the first time in years I've been to 3 games on the bounce (Wigan, Liverpool, this one) - don't want a hattrick of losses!

ahh - one of the Northern support! come up here - stealing our jobs!!!! anyway - never mind - curse that hat eh?

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1-0 Trotters...Klasnic.... s***e game, s***e Crowd, Fans abuse Megson....nothing new..

well you got one thing right - the result was nothing new...

and they do love their formation debates - I think they imagine it makes them sound learned or summat...

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DDM did play off Cole but he did play alot closer to Cole & the formation suited us, people are banging on about Chelski & there Dimond but we have been doing it for nearly a season with good affect.

maybe chelsea's Diamond is more effective because they can spell it? or maybe it's because you only have Diamante - which (we all know) is a fake diamond??

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I don't think this cup, nor winning this match is high on Bolton's list of priorities, avoiding the drop is more important for them, so I think we'll win 3-1

aye - that sounds about right... hang on!

and here comes Dannysboy telling them all how we love Megson...

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The guys a moron. He football is absolutely horrific, fair play to him Cahill was a good signing and Taylor a decent signing but the rest he's brought in are championship players. Paul Robinson, Sam Ricketts, Danny Shittu, Mark Davies to name a few. The crowds since he came have dropped from 26,000 to 20,000. We show no attacking play at all, we're so defensive it's untrue. He's at war with the fans every week. At the moment it's an absolute mess. Fans have stopped going. All this tension between the supporters and the club isnt helping the players either. We've got 1 point from our first 3 home games and from the next 6 games i cant see us getting more than 4 points. I do expect him to go soon.

if you replaced the "Moron" with a "mappet" and sprinkled a few "facking"s about - you'd fit right in!

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Seriously, Franco is probably used to playing against decent footballing sides, but I doubt if he'll have as much experience of playing against such an agricultural lot as Bolton. So I'd start with him, and see how he goes. After even an hour against Bolton, when he gets to face other English sides they'll seem like the Ajax team of the 1970's in comparison!

put another facking record on you facking mappet...

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Gabbidon is out with a grade one tear in his calf. Da Costa to play in his place.

grade one tear?? I've got grade five piano - does that mean I'm out too? bugger!

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Bolton, are one of our boggie teams and we're long over due a win against them ..

boggie??? ahh - bogey! yes we are! hahahahahahahahahahahah!!!

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What about Midfield of Spector, Parker and Kovac with Dyer in front of them. Hines and Cole (or the Mexican fella perhaps) up front. Might not be pretty but at least we should have a bit of steel in midfield. Use the pace of the full backs to add some width. We always get out muscled up there. Nouble to come off the bench once they have been softened up midway through the second half. 3-0 to Bolton by the way - whoever plays

not a bad little prediction there matey...

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If you are proved right in your prediction, then there are gonna be a whole load of new posts under the 'How long would you give......' thread a bit further down this page around 10.00pm this evening and I don't think they are gonna be too complimentary about him either

oooh - I'll go and have a look in there later...

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So who the f*** is bolten? Whom will you beat when not teams like bolten? COYI!!!!!! 0 - 3 at the reebok stadium!

pretentious and incorrect use of "whom" - confounded by spelling our team name wrong twice.... I have no idea who Bolten are - maybe if you played them you'd beat them??

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My thoughts when we play Notlob are always the same. Goes something like........ Shirley we can edge this lot, we play better football, their ground will be half empty, all they do is lumpt it........Davies 1-0. Ref blows final whistle......

yeah - absolutely ace - innit!

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I'm sure that lumpt isn't actually a known footballing term by the way..........

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I bet it is in Bolton!

you're right - and long may it continue!

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I think we will win 1 - 0 tonight with Hines scoring. Also I think there is no chance that we will win this cup.

I also think there is no chance you will win this cup!

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What happened to Franco? Not even in the squad?

I thought he died in 1975 - he's buried at Santa Cruz del Valle de los Caídos, I think - he'll not be playing tonight anyway...

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Put your mortgage on Kevin Davies to score

that would have been a very good plan - did you?

anyway - predictions at an end - game's started.....

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Dyer!!! So close....apparently

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Sounds like a good start by us.

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Sounds like a cracking start. COYI

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Hammers fans loud and clear. :clap: Another corner. Parker wide with a drive.

I was only advising those pompey fans the other day - beware of the demon hope - he bites u in the arse.....

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What the f*ck is going on at the Reebok?? Attacking football!!!!?????

we wouldn't know - what's that?

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4 or 5 shots from us in 2 minutes! What's going on?!

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I'll nail my colours to the wall before we kick off. ZOLAS LOST THE BLEEDIN PLOT

could be a sign of things to come? or then again - it might not be!

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We owe these northern muppets a thrashing. Biggest match of the season this.

that's a bit of a leap!!

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We've avoided the two customary Bolton goals within ten minutes it seems.

eh?? since when were 2 goals in ten minutes customary for Bolton??? they're rare mate - rare as rocking horse poo! rare as a spotty badger! rarer than a friendly armadillo!

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text commentary: "24 min - To my right, the two sets of fans are engaging in some verbal jousting. The Bolton faithful are telling their friends from the south what they should do with their hammers. I wouldn't recommend anyone follow their advices."

then we all not off for half an hour as they reminisce about listening to loads of old goals on t'radio... and then - it's half time!

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Not sounding Great at the moment

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Have we got out of our half yet!

am sure you will sooner or later!

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GOAL!!

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Goal. Illunga

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Ilunga!!

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goalllllllllllllllllllllll

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Henry you little congo dreamboat!

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Ilunga just flat scores goals.

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Um Bongo Um Bongo they drink it in the Congo !!

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Ilungaaaaaaaaaaa!

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Get in. Scrappy, but who cares.

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Illunga is a f***ing ..i dont know...words escape me...superb..1-0.

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yes!!!!!!!!

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yes yes yes! Please let that croatian teletext be correct! Nil one. Whoo scored?

I'm not sure - but I think it was a bloke called Ilunga... just a hunch!

(more of the above - several pages in fact!)

but one poster KEEPS saying this...

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It doesn't matter..............Davies will still score the winner for them

does he know something???

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Green?!?! Doesn't sound great. Oh wait, it's suddenly got better.

startling eh?

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Someone tell me what the hell is going on. The i-player won't f*cking play

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bondz set an awful back pass to green who then got clattered by their forward!!!!!!

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Robert Green's just followed through apparently and I think one or two of us might join him by the final whistle.

followed through??? I hope you don't mean what I think you mean..... anyway - I guess it was our huge hulk of a clod-hopping korean with a traditional korean greeting for the honoured green one?

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<post>

blimey - that has to have been some dumb-ass post - the shame! - to be removed from KUMB!!!

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Chung-Yong Lee??? Wasn't he the bad guy from Bloodsport?

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Did "Chun Li" do that kick where she shows her Knicks?

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Apparently Green was taken out from several light speed kicks from Chun Li.

we never expected racial stereoptyping from west ham - really we didn't - no - never - not even for a moment - we never suspected - it is a total surprise to us - what a turn up for the books - you could have knocked me down with a feather

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Commentator: Bolton going a little more direct now...

now you're worried boys.. i wouldn't be surprised if one or two of you haven't already followed through...

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told you!

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What is that bloody banging, do they have a drum or something? I tell you, it is right winding me up. Somebody needs to end up wearing the feckin thing

we love a bit of reebok rhythm! but time seems to be running out for the Wanderers....

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Blow your whistle refereeeee!

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Commentator's got a bet on 1-1 and extra time.

tuck that one away in your hat....

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KEVIN F*CKING DAVIES!!!!!

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Oh sh*t.

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What a surprise

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unreal..

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bollox! another half hour of this sh*t... if not more!

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looks like extra time

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Davies who else !

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Bolton score from about their 27th corner.

you mean this guy??

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I knew deep down that f***ing shithouse would score.

have some respect!

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Kevin Davies looks like Kirk from 60's Star Trek

you might have something there mate! we need to sign little scotty parker!

and then it's extra time..

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I'd settle for pens

I'm sure you would!

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Commentator: What are the managers saying ?? Zola isn't saying too much his coaching staff are more involved. Bolton are circled around Megson..

like vultures??? or wagons?

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So close to a first win at the Reebok - now we're going to lose. Suppose I would rather lose on penalties rather than be outplayed by these clowns!

hard to accept isn't it - for a mighty club like West Ham..... outplayed - OUTPLAYED - OUT_FECKING_PLAYED!!!!

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Somebody castrate Kevin Davies so he has to go off injured, and can't have any kids who'll score every time against us in 18 years time.

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I hate Bolton. I hate Kevin Davies.

you really don't like our Kev do you!

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Mark Tompkins......AGAIN!

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B*LLOX!!!!

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Whoops

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For f***s sake.

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Oh cock. Looks like we're going out.

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2-1.....kin'ell fellas!!!!

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f*** it.

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Cobblers

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They're rinsing us. Do we do anything other than 'tired' passing?

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Good night ! This is gonna be one long, hard season for us

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I f***ing hate Bolton

Whoops - I like that one - class! - gloriously understated... any of you know who scored - was it a good goal?

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What is this tw*t talking about? Well if you take out all the games where West Ham have scored a goal, they haven’t scored any goals

ahh - no - never mind - I'll look it up later... best have little moan about the commentators - maybe it's their fault you're so crap?

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Zola out!

now there's summat we understand! I expected to hear manager out chants - but not necessarily that one!

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When did we last beat Bolton? Was it when we got to the FA cup final? How can every other team beat them apart from us. f*** me and all who know me!

I think I'd want a photo first - and a good description of all who know you - else it might be considered a rash move....

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It aint over yet and even if we do, it's in extra time. So we play well and lose against last year's Premiership runners-up and lose against a team that all footballing teams struggle against in extra-time. Definitely going to have a long, hard season. f***ing hell lads, do you lot even support West Ham? Yes we lost to Wigan, yes we drew at Blackburn. But come on, hardly struggled did we. We should had got at least a point from the Spuds. Get a grip you knee-jerkers.

Yay!!!!!! Jellied Tango Eel to the rescue - they can't ALL be doom-mongers!! (note to self - find out why it is that "mongers" only seem to sell fish or doom)

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How can a team get nearly 30 yes THIRTY corners in a game ??? is it what 27 now ( I think...)

must be our legendary fast-paced wing-play....

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What i would give to have Davies in claret n blue,proper c/forward,he must be on top dosh for that mob,without him,they would be bottom 3

oh you don't know how sweeeeeeeeeeeet that sounds coming from you lot!!! you WANT him don't you - you WANT him!!!!!

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How many more miserable match threads must we endure?!

that's what TWSpy is thinking - with the cup - that makes three in total..... oh woe.....

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There it is... Nail in coffin. 3-1 to this Bolton side? Jesus.

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Night everyone.

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Good night. Last one out turn off the lights.

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And there we have it. 3-1 El-feckin-mander. Number 3 on the times "s***e list" last season or something.

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is it too early for a 'who do you want in the next round' thread?? taking into account the inevitable late equaliser and win on pens of course! b***ocks... is it too early for a 'when is the fa cup draw' thread??

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f/ing Davies again!!!! they are petrified of him 3-1

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We need quality like Elmander and Davies

TWSpy has framed this and stuck it on his wall!!!

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West Ham United: single-handedly keeping Gary Megson employed since 2008

nice one

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The co-commentor described our first half performance tonight as "unbelievable. No club in the league could have lived with them."

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Notlob did though didn't they!

seems we did!

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God this place is going to get Cuntitus and for that reason i am out. Laters haterz

and he was pretty much right! so there TWSpy leaves them - sobbing into their jellied tissues and quietly wishing for the next big-money west-ham sugar daddy to go and buy Kevin Davies...

let's hear it again....

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What i would give to have Davies in claret n blue,proper c/forward,he must be on top dosh for that mob,without him,they would be bottom 3

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We need quality like Elmander and Davies

I can think of no better epitaph for the game...

TWSpy signing out...

Another gem, bish. keep them coming as it means we are winning.

Brilliant as usual Bish.

Oh and as for mongers?

Fish

Doom

...and Iron (how apt)

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Northern Support??? since when?? what kind of demented knob-jockey would live up North and support West Ham??? now I've heard it all!

For weird and unclear reasons, the landlord of the Swan and Railway in Wigan is a Hammers fan.

And mongers - well, apart from the fish, doom and iron ones, the others coster lot of money.