Just because the season's over doesn't mean that the front page, that font of footballing wisdom, goes to sleep. There's still a need for TW to adorn it with bright, light, warm and witty articles... and that's where you good people come in.

There might not be a World Cup or European Championship this year, but there's plenty football related going on... Bolton's transfer dealings for one. You might want to write about the wider world of football in general... or ex-Whites of yore, or memorable matches. The choice is yours. Hey, I might even allow some articles not about football at all. There is an Ashes cricket series on, just for starters, in a great sporting summer.

SO: please write to us with your musings. PM them to me, to Tango, or Warthog, or any mod, and leave the grammar and spelling tidy-up to us. Look forward to 'em!

A nice topical little piece due up shortly from TW's answer to Boxcar Willie, (hoboh2o). Come on you budding authors, just pm something in to Ratbert or me and we'll knock it into shape if needs be. The front page and stradom await.

Have almost finished one, will send it in next week.

Ratbert has gone gallivanting around the French regions for ten days or so, so, if you have anything to submit on the article scene, pm them to me please, and I'll get them up in turn.

I'll (perhaps unnecessarily) chip in that it's been great to see new writers, young and old, add their names to the TW hall of fame recently. (Not that established writers aren't welcome to do more!)

It's a great feeling to see your stuff up there, so if you're feeling hesitant, PM Tango or me for a little advice. But there's really not much to it, and once again, I'll report John Lennon's advice when asked how to write a song: "Say what you mean, and make it rhyme". You don't even have to make it rhyme...

Dave Sutton's barnet wrote:

I'll (perhaps unnecessarily) chip in that it's been great to see new writers, young and old, add their names to the TW hall of fame recently. (Not that established writers aren't welcome to do more!) It's a great feeling to see your stuff up there, so if you're feeling hesitant, PM Tango or me for a little advice. But there's really not much to it, and once again, I'll report John Lennon's advice when asked how to write a song: "Say what you mean, and make it rhyme". You don't even have to make it rhyme...

A little less of the 'old' stuff, whippersnapper! FaninOz might get upset.

How dare you, sir?! Been a decade since I snapped a whip. Vile names, indeed...

Montreal Wanderer wrote:

Dave Sutton's barnet wrote: I'll (perhaps unnecessarily) chip in that it's been great to see new writers, young and old, add their names to the TW hall of fame recently. (Not that established writers aren't welcome to do more!) It's a great feeling to see your stuff up there, so if you're feeling hesitant, PM Tango or me for a little advice. But there's really not much to it, and once again, I'll report John Lennon's advice when asked how to write a song: "Say what you mean, and make it rhyme". You don't even have to make it rhyme... A little less of the 'old' stuff, whippersnapper! FaninOz might get upset.

FaninOz wrote:

Montreal Wanderer wrote: Dave Sutton's barnet wrote: I'll (perhaps unnecessarily) chip in that it's been great to see new writers, young and old, add their names to the TW hall of fame recently. (Not that established writers aren't welcome to do more!) It's a great feeling to see your stuff up there, so if you're feeling hesitant, PM Tango or me for a little advice. But there's really not much to it, and once again, I'll report John Lennon's advice when asked how to write a song: "Say what you mean, and make it rhyme". You don't even have to make it rhyme... A little less of the 'old' stuff, whippersnapper! FaninOz might get upset.

It's okay, FiO, I was just trying to hide the fact that I am older than you. Indeed I hit the big one this month where retirement used to be mandatory. Let us rather thank heavens for Tango and Dujon on the site.

Montreal Wanderer wrote:

It's okay, FiO, I was just trying to hide the fact that I am older than you. Indeed I hit the big one this month where retirement used to be mandatory. Let us rather thank heavens for Tango and Dujon on the site.

Thought it would be Mandalabour. What's retirement anyway?

TANGODANCER wrote:

Montreal Wanderer wrote: It's okay, FiO, I was just trying to hide the fact that I am older than you. Indeed I hit the big one this month where retirement used to be mandatory. Let us rather thank heavens for Tango and Dujon on the site. Thought it would be Mandalabour. What's retirement anyway?

Not me, always been slightly conservative. I still need a couple of years for the markets to recover but I think I will enjoy retirement. It will give me a chance to challenge your post count (fat chance!)

Montreal Wanderer wrote:

I still need a couple of years for the markets to recover

Right country, wrong market...

Dave Sutton's barnet wrote:

Montreal Wanderer wrote: I still need a couple of years for the markets to recover Right country, wrong market...

I was down 25-30% on all investments and pensions last February - now down only (right!) 12-15%, but my financial advisor just called in a panic and says he needs to shift a lot from equity (especially global focus) to fixed income because he suspects some more nasty news in the next couple of months. I have until next May 31 to irrevocably agree to retire by May 31 2011, which is currently my plan.

He didn't invest your money in YouTube by any chance, did he??

Lord Kangana wrote:

He didn't invest your money in YouTube by any chance, did he??

Wish he had - most of my stuff seemed to be in Downthetube.

Montreal Wanderer wrote:

Dave Sutton's barnet wrote: Montreal Wanderer wrote: I still need a couple of years for the markets to recover Right country, wrong market... I was down 25-30% on all investments and pensions last February - now down only (right!) 12-15%, but my financial advisor just called in a panic and says he needs to shift a lot from equity (especially global focus) to fixed income because he suspects some more nasty news in the next couple of months.

Out of shares, into bonds. Seems logical, as far as anything's logical in this propped-up market. I note that the underground whispers of market-rigging have now been taken to a wider public by Rolling Stone's Matt Taibbi. Ever wondered why the NYSE has a rally every afternoon at 3pm? Turns out it's Goldman Sachs pumping the market with public money...

We (me and Mrs B, an inveterate market-watcher with a MA in economics) have been watching carefully and wondering what to do with our small hill of beans; we sold our flat the week Bear Sterns went pop and have been sat on it ever since. Some's in gold, some silver, some offshore; we don't trust either dollar or pound.

Hope it works out for you. And us! But we're sliding waaaaaay off topic here...

No football to speak of, no cricket, I've started a daft story here for a bit of fun. That's my bit done so anyone want to carry it on? Anybody can add to it as it's just a time-passer. Add your bit and keep it daft: Add yourself in, take the mick out of others and just keep the tale going:

The Saga of Mary Gegson .

Once upon a time, in the land of Hinter Will, there lived a stalwart band of men called Wolton Banderers. They played football at the castle Beerok and had a manager named Mary Gegson. Mary , and her boss Gill Phartside, were supported by some of their fans, the Tose Rinters, and hated and detested by a band of rebels from the local poultry factory “The Pheasant Plucker”. These were led by Sir Coaning Munt and his chav sons, Ratman and Bobbin so called because of their habit of wearing two balaclavas and three baseball caps under a hoodie, so that no one knew what they actually looked like. The Pheasant Plucker’s banner was a blazing pitchfork rampant and the latin inscription “Egson Mout” over a scarlet marker pen. Their court jester was a mad tramp who lived in a cardboard box under the local waterworks.

The opposition , The Tose Rinters, were championed by a dour lover of justice Baron SlapCock and his trusty knights, Ruce Brioch, WBFC Fad Mucker and Harry Gatric, a retired wannabe hall-bopper, who most regarded as a filly old sucker from Wellie Hall. Their heraldic shield had a picture of an oriental warrior called Wan Lung Chee eating a pastie above the legend “Yuk Fou” in gold letters.

Only the love of their home town, Wolton, kept them apart; that and a large group of uncertain supporters known as the “Sense Fitters”. One day…..

... Beerok decided on a new kit. They observed that barcodes went down well in supermarkets therefore the Stupersore of the Beerok Stadium would really welcome such an influential kit design. Han Dague, Beerok promoter, explains that the new kit forces unorderly youths to tuck their shirts in, due to the striped eyesore when untucked.

"We are the first to implement such an imaginative idea into a football kit." The supporters...

HMX wrote:

... Beerok decided on a new kit. They observed that barcodes went down well in supermarkets therefore the Stupersore of the Beerok Stadium would really welcome such an influential kit design. Han Dague, Beerok promoter, explains that the new kit forces unorderly youths to tuck their shirts in, due to the striped eyesore when untucked. "We are the first to implement such an imaginative idea into a football kit." The supporters...

...were often split into two camps: the aforementioned Tose Rinters, named after a Worneigan traveller, and the Shed Beaters. The Shed Beaters were an odd lot. The drank lots of Lite Whitening, a drink brewed from apples, that made the sun seem brighter. This was odd, as they were quite a gloomy bunch. When things went wrong they liked to beat their sheds, and write missplet abuse in stolen marker pens.

As for the team, Mary decided what she really needed was some new bull facks....

I should be off to the Barca V Citeh game at the Camp Nou in a couple of weeks. I'd happily throw something together about the best team in all the land and all the world and how Richard Dunne copes with Messi if people are interested.