Joke thread

CrazyHorse · **Posted:** Mon Mar 12, 2012 1:51 pm

The Daily Mirror has given readers an anagram puzzle on its front page today: "Piers Morgan Uncut."

The Axman · **Posted:** Mon Mar 12, 2012 1:58 pm

I've got it. I've got it. "Piers Morgan Ucnut". What prize do I win?

CrazyHorse · **Posted:** Mon Mar 12, 2012 2:02 pm

They're giving away the chance to watch an Arsenal game with Piers and his chums to the winner. The runner up has to watch two Arsenal games with him.

plymouth wanderer · **Posted:** Mon Mar 12, 2012 2:20 pm

i'm not saying my wife is a slag but even the labels in her knickers say Next

thebish · **Posted:** Tue Mar 13, 2012 1:15 pm

Not really a joke, but made me smile - and I can't write it on her fb-status for fear of appearing insensitive!! A fb-friend of mine has just posted that she is very worried because she cannot find her cat - Google..

there's summat dreadfully ironic in a cat that can't be found being named after a search engine!

tripod · **Posted:** Fri Mar 16, 2012 10:21 am

Manchester United's Europa clash versus Athletic Bilboa reminds me of a night out I had when I got diarrhoea.

Shit over both legs.

Annoyed Grunt · **Posted:** Fri Mar 16, 2012 11:15 am

tripod wrote:

Manchester United's Europa clash versus Athletic Bilboa reminds me of a night out I had when I got diarrhoea.

Shit over both legs.

boltonboris · **Posted:** Fri Mar 16, 2012 12:25 pm

I know Channel 5 had to shuffle a few programmes to accomodate United, but I didn't expect them to lose Home & Away

CrazyHorse · **Posted:** Fri Mar 16, 2012 12:28 pm

boltonboris wrote:

I know Channel 5 had to shuffle a few programmes to accomodate United, but I didn't expect them to lose Home & Away

thebish · **Posted:** Fri Mar 16, 2012 1:07 pm

boltonboris wrote:

I know Channel 5 had to shuffle a few programmes to accomodate United, but I didn't expect them to lose Home & Away

I'm nicking that!

Annoyed Grunt · **Posted:** Fri Mar 16, 2012 7:39 pm

boltonboris wrote:

I know Channel 5 had to shuffle a few programmes to accomodate United, but I didn't expect them to lose Home & Away

Hoboh · **Posted:** Sat Mar 17, 2012 2:24 am

plymouth wanderer wrote:

i'm not saying my wife is a slag but even the labels in her knickers say Next

The Axman · **Posted:** Mon Mar 19, 2012 1:44 pm

boltonboris wrote:

I know Channel 5 had to shuffle a few programmes to accomodate United, but I didn't expect them to lose Home & Away

I heard a lot of people's SatNavs have broken down. Mine too, it's telling me that Manchester's in Europe!

The Axman · **Posted:** Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:20 pm

perthwhite · **Posted:** Tue Mar 20, 2012 5:38 pm

i entered a blindfolded masturbation race last night...

feck knows where i came

davroduk · **Posted:** Tue Mar 20, 2012 11:51 pm

perthwhite wrote:

i entered a blindfolded masturbation race last night...

feck knows where i came

keveh · **Posted:** Wed Mar 21, 2012 6:17 am

perthwhite wrote:

i entered a blindfolded masturbation race last night...

feck knows where i came

Amazing!

perthwhite · **Posted:** Wed Mar 21, 2012 6:11 pm

keveh wrote:

perthwhite wrote:

i entered a blindfolded masturbation race last night...

feck knows where i came

Amazing!

your sarcasm offends me

perthwhite · **Posted:** Thu Mar 22, 2012 12:12 am

i'll stop at nothing to avoid negative numbers

The Axman · **Posted:** Thu Mar 22, 2012 5:36 pm

I'm moving this one here.

Dave Sutton's barnet wrote:

Sepp Blatter said rather than wrote:

I had a phone call from Phil Gartside, the chairman of Bolton, and I have to say it was a very emotional call. As he said, from time to time there are forces somewhere that have nothing to do with reality.

Blatter... Phil G... nothing to do with reality... there's gotta be a joke there, right?

Have you heard the one about the Qatari, Sepp Blatter, and Phil Gartside standing at a bar. The Qatari asked Phil Gartside how much he paid for his stadium, then he asks Sepp Blatter how much the Qataris should spend on their World Cup Stadium, to which Sepp Blatter said.... "no idea, I've nothing to do with realty". Ta da.

Joke thread

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