Joke thread

Steady · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 2:26 pm

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?

Because the Parrots eat 'em all......

:Leave: I'll get my coat.....

Leonard · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 2:32 pm

This lady had a broken tv set, so she called the tv repairman. So he came over and looked at the set, and said,"Bad news,ma’am....your tv needs a blood transfusion!" The lady was bewildered !! She said," Wait a minute,.....how can a tv need a blood transfusion?" The repairman said,"well,you see here ma’am.....this is one of those new plasma tv’s!!"

Steady · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 2:34 pm

What did Winni the Pooh say to his agent?

Show me the honey!!!

TonyZicoKelly · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 2:41 pm

Gertie wrote:

The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local high street.
As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye.
"Just Released - New LP -Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now!"
Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop.
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make.
I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the
window."
"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to
step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."
The world expert on European wasps goes into the booth and puts on the
earphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those."
"I'm sorry Sir", says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the
booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."
The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones.
Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't
understand it", he says, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the
sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"
"I'm terribly sorry, Sir" says the young man, "perhaps if you'd like to step
into the booth again, you could have 5 more minutes."
Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth. Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated.
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP."
"I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant,

Wait for it...

"I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."

That's awesome!!!

TonyZicoKelly · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 2:43 pm

What do you call a rich bear?

Winnie the pools.

CH, I'm with you on the need for corny jokes. I've got an endless list of them!!! :shock:

Soldier_Of_The_White_Army · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 2:44 pm

Steady wrote:

What did Winni the Pooh say to his agent?

Show me the honey!!!

For Gods sake, will someone please find this man his coat!! :run:

keveh · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 2:47 pm

I phoned up work today to tell them I wasn't coming in because I was sick.

My boss said "You sound fine, why are you sick?"

To which I replied....

I'm sleeping with my sister!

Soldier_Of_The_White_Army · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 2:49 pm

keveh wrote:

I phoned up work today to tell them I wasn't coming in because I was sick.

My boss said "You sound fine, why are you sick?"

To which I replied....

I'm sleeping with my sister!

Dont mind is I nick this do you Keveh :twisted:

CrazyHorse · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 2:50 pm

Two little old ladies are browing at a selection of coats in a shop window.

The first one turns to the other one and says "That's the one I'd get".

Then a cyclops came out and smacked her in the face!

Soldier_Of_The_White_Army · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 3:14 pm

Two Wigan fans having a drink in their club bar, all of a sudden a Bolton fan runs in and shouts "oh you two, whats got four legs and stinks of dog shxt" the two wigan fans look at each other, look back at the Bolton fan and shout "we dont know?" The Bolton man then shouts "you two, ha ha ha" then runs out the bar.

"Bloody hell, he got us with that one! stated one of the Wigan fans.

"Yep, Ill tell you what, well get Browney and Smudge when they walk in"

"Agreed"

Ten miniutes later Brownie and Smudge walked into the bar.

"Oi Brownie, Smudge"

Shouted one of the Wigan duo

"Ye what"

"Whats got four legs and stinks of Dog shxt"

They shouted sniggering to themselves

After a quick think Brownie and Smudge answered "We dont know"

Trying to hold in their laughter, the Wigan duo shouted

"Us two"

CrazyHorse · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 3:25 pm

A new nurse listened while Dr. Blake was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!"

The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?"

The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here."

Leonard · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 3:35 pm

One for SOTWA....

This is an ALPHABET grenade!

If it goes off.....

It could spell DISASTER!!!

TonyZicoKelly · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 3:36 pm

What's black, floats on water and shouts "Knickers!"?

Crude oil.

Soldier_Of_The_White_Army · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 3:58 pm

Leonard wrote:

One for SOTWA....

This is an ALPHABET grenade!

If it goes off.....

It could spell DISASTER!!!

Im avin that!!

Leonard · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 4:02 pm

How could I forget.....?

A little girls says "Grandad, can you make a sound like a frog, 'cos Dad says if you croak, we can go to Florida!"

keveh · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 4:11 pm

Leonard wrote:

How could I forget.....?

A little girls says "Grandad, can you make a sound like a frog, 'cos Dad says if you croak, we can go to Florida!"

Ohe my god, i've just realise what your username and avatar are on about now!

TonyZicoKelly · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 4:12 pm

keveh wrote:

Leonard wrote:

How could I forget.....?

A little girls says "Grandad, can you make a sound like a frog, 'cos Dad says if you croak, we can go to Florida!"

Ohe my god, i've just realise what your username and avatar are on about now!

I know sarcasm doesn't always come across on a forum - but I pray that you were being sarcastic then.

Leonard · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 4:14 pm

TonyZicoKelly wrote:

keveh wrote:

Leonard wrote:

How could I forget.....?

A little girls says "Grandad, can you make a sound like a frog, 'cos Dad says if you croak, we can go to Florida!"

Ohe my god, i've just realise what your username and avatar are on about now!

I know sarcasm doesn't always come across on a forum - but I pray that you were being sarcastic then.

TANGODANCER · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 4:32 pm

Two kids comparing Christmas presents:

1. "I got a real gun, what've you got?".

2 "A gold watch"

1. "wanna swop?"

2. " Er....yeah, go on then"

Kid one goes home and proudly shows his dad his bargain, "Look dad, I swapped the gun for a real solid gold watch"

Father shakes head in dismay. "Listen son, one day you'll get married and take a wife. And you might just
come home some time and find another man on top of her in bed. What the f--- you gonna do....time them?

Montreal Wanderer · **Posted:** Wed Oct 26, 2005 4:33 pm

CrazyHorse wrote:

Two little old ladies are browing at a selection of coats in a shop window.

The first one turns to the other one and says "That's the one I'd get".

Then a cyclops came out and smacked her in the face!

This puzzled me for a while, until I finally realized that "get" must be some English form of insult. Oh, the difficulties we foreigners have!

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