Monarch. Used them a lot. Never had a problem of any sort.

Tw@t. Our researcher has since been sacked. Frankfurt Hahn ffs!

Tell you, mate - you'll be longer on the Terravision bus than you'll be in the air!

Whenever you plan for a long travel trip, You will need some tips to prepare. Wherever you're going, it's probably somewhere you're very interested in, or you wouldn't be crossing the country, right? Plan at least a few days there to really soak it up before heading back home, no matter whether you're flying back home or driving back.

Almost subliminal that.........

Feck. If only he'd come on before I booked that weekend in Sydney!

A spam attack fail, still better than that Blackburn crap.

Not true, I often go to places I have absolutely zero interest in, like say, Sicily for example. Just for shits and giggles like. And better still I like to go to really hard to reach places, peak out of the airport, then get straight back on the next flight home.

So I scoff sir, at your travel tips and advice.

My serious top tip of the day (apologies if this is already common knowledge):

Beware of getting robbed whilst driving through Spain. There's been a spate of tourists being singled out and robbed as they wait for assistance on motorway hard shoulders.

Apparently the thieves identify their prey in petrol stations and then damage the tourist's car tyre when they're not looking. The tourist then re-joins the motorway, followed by the thieves. After the tyre blows or deflates, the tourist has no choice but to pull onto the hard shoulder. The robbers then appear and offer to help. When the tourist gets out of the car, one of the robbers creates a distraction, whilst his accomplice helps himself to whatever takes his fancy from the car.

I saw this warning on TV quite recently, but have first(ish) hand experience of this as it happened to a work colleague of mine recently on a business trip to just outside Barcelona. She was driving a hire car, not a car with GB plates. Her phone, passport, cash & credit cars were all nicked. She then had to endure a few hours alone on the hard shoulder, with no means of calling anyone until someone else came to her aid. It really shook her up.

Afterwards, the police confirmed this as being a common problem in Spain.

Yep - don't leave the car with anything visible and valuable on the seats. And, in Madrid and Barcelona in particular watch out for muggers - including handbag snatchers working from motorbikes (not joking here...). And watch out at cash machines - I know four people who've been mugged in Barca over the years and the crisis there is so huge that crime, inevitably, is on the increase...

This 'warning' comes from a Hispanophile...

So the time I went with work for a week in the US and I parked my car in Manchester long-stay and when I returned to it I couldn't find my keys, only to ... after a bit of mild panic ... locate them, in the boot lock, would not be advisable, do you think ?

I've done this (only in the ignition) dozens of times with the bike... I couldn't get people to nick it even with an open invitation!!

Genaral travel tips (wherever you're going abroad). If you will walk about in Union Jack stuff, expensive watch and camera on show and brand-new trainers etc, you're just asking for it. I always wear Chinos, a vest/t-shirt and a pair of plimsolls when sight-seeing, buy a cheap watch and carry everything in a local supermarket plastic bag. I've never got near being mugged. Might also help to learn the word "thieves" in the local lingo and shout it at the top of your voice if you even suspect it. Might sound paranoid, but the option has to be worse. Works for me.

Oh, and cheap bum-bags really do work for carrying things about, even the locals use them. I just take enough money for the day and never anything else of value.

Sweet Jesus, all that's missing is the knotted hanky!

Tango posing for his holiday snaps...

On a more serious note,
I was talking to a chap who was a holiday rep in his younger years and he was telling me that the biggest cause of the $**Ts is not water but Rice.
Something they were told at the time, that rice when cooling down is swarming with bacteria.
How many buffet meals do you see in the hotels with rice that has probably been out for 20 to 30 mins and just warm ???
Thinking back after talking to him, I now know why so many people were ill last year when we went to Egypt.
Nice food but not very hot, and loads of rice dishes.
Its official .........

Stick with chips !!!!!

Aye f*ck that foreign muck, pie n chips and a proper English roast on a Sunday with real bisto gravy